Live

I had a dream that I made the story go live before it was ready.

Oh man, I've been sitting here all morning trying to remember my dream and what it meant and just like that when I sit down to write it out it just pops out like that.

So I think the dream was that I put my story up on a site like Smashwords, but it didn't have an ending and so I was scrambling to fix the ending so that people wouldn't be upset. And I think in the end no one noticed because no one was really reading yet anyway. Or no, actually I think I had quite a few people download and then it didn't go any further than that because I didn't have an ending and people didn't like that.

Well, I've been in a mood all morning because of that. Same thing yesterday. Another unsatisfied mood which I blamed on a lack of productivity. Only I did produce stuff, but it wasn't good stuff. Which is how it is actually supposed to go.

Now that I've decided to work on a novel, it generally goes like this: write some stuff, realize that it isn't good enough, mope, rewrite/edit things before we can go on, be happy and feel productive until we repeat.

I can't stand this up and down stuff. Writing has always been my balance. So I'm trying to convince myself to also continue the fun writing as we go because the fun writing is what pulls me through a day and leaves me floating on a cloud. I haven't yet though because I'm lazy and don't wanna.

Plus, yesterday when I decided that I would do a fun writing piece in my journal (long hand), I ended up writing another scene to the story I was supposed to be taking a break from. What the hell, brain? Can't you do one thing I ask of you? And if you're going to be a rebel, can't you at least rebel by writing better than I do?